Pause
Why is it that everytime I am upset or disappointed, people tell me to stop thinking.
As if I can press some kind of a button in my head and put a pause to my thought-processing procedure.
Based on experience, this does not work.
So, consolations accepted and much appreciated.
Thank you, but no, thank you.
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I guess we're both good at pushing people away.
But if worse comes to worst, I will still have your back, and you've got mine.
We have each other as cheerleaders, which is great if we come to think of it.
I wanted to say that I am frustrated. People keep on telling me that I can't do it, or convince me to change my major/goal, or provide me with suggestions of the alternative field or shortcut, or whatever they come up with that would "benefit" me.
All I need is a bit of time and encouragement, why is it so hard to obtain those?
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I once shared my stories with Caesar, about how I gradually worked to where I wanted to be in the last three years. I am not sure if this persuaded him to achieve his goals despite the obstacles lying ahead , but it did remind me of how much I tried and what I have been through the years that I stumbled and fell, and then got up on my feet again.
I may become stronger over the years.
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But not as strong as iron, or steel,
or any other objects that do not have emotions or mood.
If only I am cold-hearted, numb, fearless, and most ironically, non-thinking, just like iron or steel, then I don't have to spend years to get over things that I should've gotten over with already.
It sucks to not be able to listen to love songs for a year and a half because I found them unbearable; it sucks to not like anyone beyond a certain point because I am afraid of getting hurt; it sucks to regret repeatedly that I did not spend quality time with my family, and that I am growing apart and away from them as I watch my loved ones age.
So, just why am I not made out of iron or steel so that I can be less insecure?
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I should probably sleep now since I have a runny nose.
Mr. Zhou, here I come.
No nightmares, please.